Book Summary: The Way of the Superior Man

Title: The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
Author: David Deida
Genre: Relationships, Psychology
Release Date: 2017


Why did you choose to read this particular book?

What peaks your interest? What is the book about? What does it promise to deliver?

High star rating on amazon so I thought it must define masculinity very well.

Summary of book

Part One: A Man’s Way

At the outset, it discusses issues that afflict the average guy, such as: what is one’s ultimate purpose in life; what do women want and expect from a man; how one might improve his own character; and what it takes to advance professionally. Furthermore, he elaborates on how to develop sexually and transcend the archetype of the macho man. This answer summarised in 15 key points.

1. Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life
Most guys make the mistake of believing that it will be done one day. They believe, “If I work hard enough, one day I will be able to relax.” Or, “Eventually my wife will realize mu pursuit, and she’ll stop moaning.” Or, “I’m merely doing this now so that I can one day pursue my true life goals.” The masculine fallacy is to believe that things will finally change fundamentally. It will not. It never ends.

2. Live with an open heart even if it hurts
According to the traditional macho ideal, boys do not cry. During periods of automatic closing, the superior guy exercises opening. Accept that sometimes it hurts.

3. Live as if your father were dead
To be a free man, a man must both love his father and be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms.

4. Know your real edge and don’t fake it

It is honourable for a man to acknowledge his fears, resistance, and limits. Each guy has his own limit, his own ability for progress, and his own destiny. However, it is dishonourable for him to deceive himself or others over his true position. He shouldn’t act more enlightened than he actually is, nor should he fall short of his genuine edge. A guy who is free is able to accept his anxieties without hiding them or attempting to avoid them.

5. Always hold to your deepest realization
Find your motivation and stick to it. Do whatever it takes to determine your mission, and then organise your life around it.

6. Never change your mind just to please a woman
If a woman proposes something that changes a man’s perspective, he should make a new decision based on his new perspective. But he should never compromise his most profound understanding and intuition in order to please his partner or “go along with her.” This move will weaken her and him equally. They will develop resentment for one another, and the crust of accumulated inauthenticity will weigh down their love and their potential for independent action.

7. Your purpose must come before your relationship
If a guy chooses his relationship over his ultimate purpose, he weakens himself, harms the universe, and deprives his partner of a real man who can provide her his undivided attention.

8. Lean just beyond your edge
He should not be too complacent, content to remain in the zone of safety and ease. Nor should he push himself past his limits, causing unnecessary tension and rendering himself incapable of processing his experience.

9. Do it for love
The manner in which a man penetrates the world should mirror the manner in which he penetrates his woman: not for personal gain or pleasure, but to enhance love, openness, and depth. Feel ultimately desire.

10. Enjoy your friends’ criticism
The capacity of a guy to receive direct criticism from another man is a measure of his aptitude to receive masculine energy. If he does not have a healthy relationship with male energy (e.g., his father), he will act like a woman and be offended or defensive in response to the criticism of other guys.

11. If you don’t know your purpose, discover it, now
A guy who does not have a conscious life purpose will wander aimlessly through life, reacting to situations rather than actively shaping them.

12. Be willing to change everything in your life
A man needs to be willing to commit his entire being to his mission, either to complete his karmic cycle or to clear it, and then he must let go of that particular way of life.

13. Don’t use your family as an excuse
If a man never finds his deepest purpose or if he gives up on it for good and uses his family as an excuse, his core weakens and he loses presence and depth. Even if he spends a lot of time taking care of their kids and doing housework, his wife stops trusting and being sexually interested in him.

I don’t particularly agree to this. Man’s role is not limited to chasing the dunya.

14. Don’t get lost in tasks and duties
A man should never get lost in the details of his life. He should meditate, think, and retreat to get his mind back on what’s important.

It never ends. A woman will always put her man to the test because she wants to know how strong he is in love, how well he can ignore annoyances, how steadfast he is in his own truth, and how well he can share that truth in love with her, even if she complains. Especially if she complains. Her complaint is what makes her happy. It’s not real criticism, but rather a test of how much of a Shiva you are. As soon as she feels your humour and happiness in the middle of the poke, the criticism goes away for good.

It never ends. Here’s the trick. You have no way out. You can’t get out of it by meeting another woman. You can’t get out of it with therapy. No amount of money or sexual skill will get you out of it. She is putting you to the test because she loves you. She wants to know the real you. She wants you to love her. And she wants to know that your love and truth are stronger than anything she can say to hurt you. Then she can calm down and give in to the difference between man and woman. Then she can have faith in you.

Part Two: Dealing with Women

This part is about how a man should deal with them in the proper manner.

The word “lying” is masculine because only men can be consistent and tell the truth or lie. When women are feeling emotional, they say how they feel right now.

Listen to your woman like you would listen to the ocean or the wind in the trees. The sounds you hear from her are how her feeling-energy is moving. There are times when she talks like a man and means exactly what she says, but most of the time, and especially when she’s upset, what she says is the sound of her emotions. Her speech, which is very feminine, sounds more like poetry than like a clear plan of action.

2. Praise her
Men grow through challenges, while women grow through praise. So, praise her freely and without shame. If you tell her, “I love the shape of your body,” she will be much more likely to work out than if you say, “I hope you don’t gain any more weight.”

3. Tolerating her leads to resenting her
When a man is too afraid, weak, or inexperienced to understand his woman’s moods and tests of love, he gets angry and upset with her. He wishes she were less difficult. But it’s not all her fault that she’s rude and complains all the time. It also shows that she doesn’t let love into her heart. When a man gives up and just puts up with his wife’s self-destructive moods, it shows that he is weak. He no longer wants to help women and the world fall in love. Instead, he wants to get away from women and the world. A man shouldn’t put up with his woman being moody and rude, but he should serve her and love her with all of his skill and determination.

4. Don’t analyse your woman
The moods and ideas of the feminine change like the weather. They are always changing, can be harsh or soft, and have no one source. Nothing will work. There is no straight line of causes and effects that leads to the “problem’s” core. There is no problem, just a storm, a breeze, or a sudden change in the weather. And the high and low pressure systems of love are where these storms start. When a woman is deeply in love, her mood can change in an instant, no matter what the supposed cause of her mood was.

5. Don’t suggest that a woman fix her own emotional problem
Asking a woman to analyse or fix her own feelings goes against her feminine core, which is just moving energy.

If you’re like most men, you probably don’t like it when women have bad moods or act crazy. You might wonder, Why is she so hard to understand? What’s wrong with her? You might find yourself saying, “Just relax and chill out.” The bad mood of a woman is so strange and dark to you that it might even turn you off. And when your woman gets really crazy, you worry about what she might do. Her feelings are so wild and unpredictable compared to yours that you don’t want to be around them. You might tell them, “I’ll come back when you can act like a normal person.”

Don’t hold your breath. Keep your body in good shape. Don’t let your mind wander. Give your woman love no matter what she says or does. Put your stomach against hers. Smile. Then, scream and lick her face. Do whatever it takes to break through her closed-off shell, let your love in through the cracks, and touch her heart. Learn to like her anger, her tears, and how hard she is when she is quiet. At times, the world will give you the same.

When your woman asks for your opinion, you tell her, “I’m fine with whatever you want to do.” This is something a friend would say, not a lover. As friends, you want to be fair to each other and let each other have their own space. Since you’re in a relationship with her, you’re more than just friends. You show both the masculine and feminine sides of polarity.

As a rule, you should always help your woman make decisions by giving her your opinion and telling her what you would do. At the same time, you should let her know that you love her no matter what she decides. Often, her feminine feelings will be a much better way to make a decision than your masculine analysis. So, tell her to think about what’s going on and trust her feelings. But for the sake of balance and happiness in a close relationship, always tell her what you would do and why, even if you think she should make her own choice.

Part Three: Working with Polarity and Energy

1. Your attraction to the feminine is inevitable
If you are like most men, you probably hide every day how sexually interested you are in women. You see attractive women at work, on the street, and in the grocery store. You might want to have sex with them sometimes. But most of the time it feels more like a wave of freshness washing over you. When you see a beautiful woman, it can make your whole day better. The beautiful smell of a woman can take you to a magical paradise. When a woman smiles, the moment can turn into pure bliss.

If you deny it, you deny your core.

2. Choose a woman who is your complementary opposite
If a man is very masculine by nature, he will be drawn to a woman who is very feminine because her energy will match his. The more neutral or even-keeled he is, the more even-keeled he’ll like his woman. And if a man is more feminine by nature, his energy will be matched by a woman who is strong-willed and knows what she wants.

3. Know what is important in your woman
If you’re looking for a business partner who is a woman, you probably want her to have certain traits, like being good with money, being reliable, and being able to keep going when things get hard in order to reach a goal. If you want to be friends with a woman, you probably want her to be honest, caring, funny, and treat you with respect. If you’re looking for a partner, you probably want a woman who freely shows love and feminine energy. The more you try to find a woman who gives you everything, the less you get of anything.

4. You will often want more than one woman
Any man who is sexually masculine will want to try different things. Even if he loves his intimate partner and is totally committed to her, he will still want to have sexual encounters with other women besides his intimate partner.

I agree with this, and this is why polygamy should be reintroduced in to society. Men cheat for this reason.

5. Young women offer you a special energy
In general, youth in a woman bespeaks radiant, unobstructed, and refreshing feminine energy. A young woman tends to be less compromised by masculine layers of functional protection built up over years of need.

You probably have a “taste” for certain kinds of women. You might like blondes better. Or Asian women. Or maybe you like redheads more than other people. Your tastes come from a lot of different places, like your early childhood, your culture, and maybe even your genes. But “taste” also has something to do with how a woman makes you feel.

Some women are getting colder. Being with them is like having a glass of iced tea on a hot day. You could have said that a woman is “icy blonde” or that she has “cool blue eyes.” Some women are pretty. They are angry, volatile, and quick to lose their cool. You could have said that a redhead was “fiery” or that a Latina was “hot-blooded.”

Part Four: What Women Really Want

1. Choose a woman who chooses you
A man can’t win if he wants a woman who doesn’t want him. Because he is so needy, he will ruin any relationship he might have, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man has to figure out if a woman wants him but is just being hard to get or if she doesn’t want him at all. If she doesn’t want him, he should stop pursuing her right away and deal with his pain on his own.

2. What she wants is not what she says
Don’t try too hard to understand your woman because men and women speak different languages. Her deepest wish is to feel your full awareness, trustworthiness, unwavering love, and confidence in your mission.

I’m not too sure about this!?

3. Her complaint is content-free
Rarely is what your woman is complaining about what she is actually complaining about. It would be a mistake to take what she says at face value and then answer her complaints one by one. When she complains about money, it’s usually because she thinks you’re not able to lead your life with clarity, purpose, integrity, and wisdom like a man should. The money itself is not that important. If you were poor but totally aware, happy, honest, fearless, funny, loving, and giving the world and your woman your best, she wouldn’t complain about money.

4. She doesn’t really want to be number one
She may seem like she wants to be the most important thing in your life, but she doesn’t. She wants to know what’s most important to you, though, so she can trust you. Even if you have to leave her to achieve your goal, like a soldier going to war, she will still love and trust you as long as your goal is real and true.

Everyone will know you don’t have a true purpose if you don’t live from your heart and give your best gifts. Your kids will question your power. People who work with you will take advantage of you. Your friends will not have high hopes for you. Your wife won’t believe you, either.

5. Your excellent track record is meaningless to her
Women don’t care about what a man has done in the past. A man could be perfect for ten years, but if he’s a jerk for 30 seconds, a woman will act like he’s been a jerk his whole life. The feminine responds to the energy of the moment and forgets what her man has done in the past. What a man did in the past has nothing to do with how his woman feels right now.

She wants to be comfortable in her feminine side and let you make the choices. If you can’t take charge and don’t know where you want to go, your woman will sense that you don’t know what to do. Since you can’t, she’ll have to take charge again. She can’t take it easy. So take charge of your money, your sexuality, your emotions, and your spiritual life. A woman can only relax if you take the wheel and make decisions without her.

Your woman will shine more if she is more at ease in her feminine side. You may have noticed that your woman’s glow can change in an instant. One minute, she might look tired and dull. Then, maybe after you praise her or give her a surprise gift of love, she starts to shine. She doesn’t look her 15 years. In an instant, the lines on her face were gone.

Part Five: Your Dark Side

This section was quite disturbing. Either the author has gone very deep in the psyche of the woman or is portraying his fantasies. I’ve listed the headings of this sections.

1. You are always searching for freedom
2. Own your darkest desires
3. She wants the “killer” in you
4. She needs your consciousness to match her energy

Part Six: Feminine Attractiveness

Really don’t understand the purpose of this section.

1. The feminine is abundant
To begin, you should be aware that there is an abundant supply of the feminine energy. Some males have the misconception that there are no more good women on the planet.

2. Allow older women their magic
It is unacceptable for men to demean elder women by expecting or wanting them to behave and look like younger women. There should not be any comparison of the kind. Each stage of a woman’s life brings its own set of advantages. Embrace the more experienced lady.

3. Turn your lust into gifts
If you are like most men, your sexual energy goes straight to one of two places. Either your head is stimulated and you fantasise about being with a woman who turns you on, or your genitalia are stimulated by lustful need. But your head and genitalia are just the body’s north and south poles. A good man spreads the energy of arousal all over his body, making sure it doesn’t get stuck in swollen fantasies or body parts.

4. Never allow your desire to become suppressed or depolarized
When a man denies his desire for the feminine, either on purpose or because he’s used to it, it’s a sign that he’s lost his focus on the world as a whole. He might look for a mistress to wake him up, but this is usually a short-term and complicated solution, since it won’t be long before his mistress becomes familiar and, therefore, boring.

5. Use her attractiveness as a slingshot through appearance

Part Seven: Body Practices

1. Ejaculation should be converted or consciously chosen
If you can’t control when you ejaculate, you can’t meet the needs of your woman. You need to learn how to turn ejaculating into whole-body, brain, and heart orgasms without ejaculating.

2. Breathe down the front
All men tend to have blocks in the front of their bodies, along an imaginary line that goes from the top of the head through the tongue, throat, heart, solar plexus, navel, genitals, and perineum. The main way to control the world and women with your body is to always keep your front open and full. The basic way to do it is to take full, relaxed breaths, draw energy down the front, and take your mind off of neurotic worries about yourself.

3. Ejaculate up the spine
With practise, you will eventually be able to feel through your partner, as if their body were a doorway into a huge open space of energy, light, and awareness. True love is based on this kind of feeling that isn’t blocked by anything. Spread your love beyond yourself and, over time, through and beyond your woman. This takes practise because it’s easy to get caught up in your own feelings, especially when you’re feeling very sexually aroused. You can fight this tendency by training yourself to feel through your partner as if there were nothing in the way of your love.

Part Eight: Men’s and Women’s Yoga of Intimacy

1. Take into account the primary asymmetry
A relationship between a man and a woman can only work if both people respect each other’s priorities. The more masculine a man is, the more important his mission is to him. The more feminine a woman is, the more important a close relationship is to her.

2. You are responsible for the growth in intimacy
A woman is responsible for her man’s bodily energy (i.e., erections), and a man is responsible for the woman’s openness of mood and depth of love.

3. Insist on practice and growth
“My way or the high way” is how a man who thinks he’s tough treats his woman. Mr. Nice Guy’s way is to give in or even give up on himself: “OK, your way.” But the way of a Superior Man is to encourage his woman to take the path that will help her grow in love and happiness the most.

4. Restore your purpose in solitude and with other men
The best way for a woman to keep her feminine glow is to celebrate and play with other women. A man, on the other hand, usually finds his purpose when he is alone, when he is facing a challenge, or when he is with other men who are like him. Set up all of these ways to make things better.

5. Practice dissolving
Die in your gift, so you don’t even realise you’re no longer holding on to yourself. Fear is the last thing you can say. Don’t go against it. Love in spite of it.

What stood out for you

Key Points

The headings summarise the key point, as per summarises above.

What you dislike

Calls for a western/secular/primitive macho man, as well as a great number of thoughts and pieces of advice, are simply not in line with the man represented in Islam and in the model presented by the Prophet.



Has the book met its objective?

For the majority of guys who are unsure about their purpose and how they should relate to women, I believe that gaining a sense of direction together with a variety of helpful advice is useful.

What would you change

A man is not constantly seeking out the joys of the world and trying to impress the women who are in his presence. He needs to have a good relationship with his wife or wives, but the wife is not the most important thing in his life. Some men, being the manly beings that they are, just want to kick back and relax. Since death is inevitable, there is no point in living a stressful life. That’s just one example. Not everything is about pursuit of wealth, status and women. 

What type of reader would enjoy this book

Someone who is interested in gaining a deeper understanding of the dynamics that exist between men and women. However, this is just one example of relational behaviour; you should look at other examples as well.

Would you recommend this book

Yes I would recommend it to anyone who wants to an insight in to mans relationship with woman. If you’re Muslim, this is not gospel. Turn to the Sunnah first.

Final Verdict:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.