Islam teaches Muslims to address people in the best possible way.

In Surah Isra, “And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces enmity among them. Indeed, Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.”

In a conversation or transaction, there’s two ways, somebody says or does something and the other responds. The ideal conversation is one of politeness, gentlness, paying attention, active listening, etc. But I want to focus on how you respond to the one who speaks to you harshly or does you wrong. 

Allahs tells us what to do in the Quran. In Surah al Furqan Allah says, “The servants of the Ar-Rahman are they who walk on the earth in humility, and if the ignorant address them (in mock, hostility, etc), they say, “Peace!”’ In other words, be better than them, don’t be like them. If so, you are no better. 

In a hadith, the Messenger of Allah said that: “The one who is forbearing is almost a prophet.” The Prophet’s were the ones tested the most, and how much they forbeared, just think about the abuse of the Makkans towards the Prophet. 

And here in this hadith, it’s appreciated forbearance is hard. Forbearance is basically taking it on the chin and continue doing what is right. The Messenger of Allah said: “A strong person is not someone who can outwrestle others, but he is the one who controls himself when he is angry.”

On one occasion, the Prophet stopped to rest in a valley with his Companions. They rested under a tree, and the companions dispered under other trees. The Prophet were resting alone here. 

A Bedouin saw the Prophet sleeping, took the Prophet’s sword and as the Prophet awoke, pointed the sword at him and said: “Who will protect you from me, O Muhammad?”

Our Prophet replied: “Allah.” When he pronounced this word the man’s heart trembled and the sword fell from his hand. The Prophet picked up the sword and said: “Who will protect you from me now?”  He said, “no one, You are free to do as you wish but treat me well.”

The Prophet said, “I forgive you”

That man returned to his people and said: “By Allah, this behaviour could only be that of a prophet.” He then became Muslim and called his people to Islam due to the character of the Prophet.

In Surah al Shuara, Allah says, “If a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due directly from Allah.” It is narrated in a hadith that when Allah makes His servants stand before Him on the Day of Judgement, it will be said: “Arise, those whose reward is due directly from Allah, and enter Paradise.” It will be asked: “Who are those whose reward is due directly from Allah?” “Those that forgave others,” will be the response. Then many thousands of people will arise and enter Paradise without any recompense.”

Imam Zayn al Abideen was once accused of theft, in order to stifle any fitna, he gave the man the money he accused him of stealing. That man went home and saw his money there. He at the point didn’t know it was Zayn al Abideen and when he found out he was apologetic. He went to his house to return the money and apologise. He said “Forgive me,” the man pleaded: “I did not know you and I found my purse in my house. You are not a thief, you are an honourable man, the son of an honourable man.” Imam Zayn said, “I forgave you even before you left my house for the first time and I pardoned you before you came to see me now.” Indeed Allah says in Surah Nur, “and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”

So here are some clear examples of a person beign wronged, but look at the response.

I have one more example, 

Once a Jewish man to whom the Prophet was in debt came to him. Even though the debt was not overdue, the man began to pull the Prophet’s & cloak until his noble neck became red.

“Give me what you owe me!” he demanded.“Banu Hashim” are known to be people who delay repaying their debts!”

‘Umar stood up and said, “Give me permission to kill him, O Messenger of Allah.”

“He and I are in need of other than this behaviour from you,” the Prophet # replied. “Instruct him to ask for what is his in a good way and instruct me to give him his due in a good way, and know that the time for repayment has not yet come – there are three days left. Go, ‘Umar, and give him what he is owed and give him an extra twenty measures for having frightened him.” So ‘Umar took him and gave him his due, along with an extra. 

The man said to “Umar: “I only acted as I did because I read the description of the Messenger of Allah in the Torah and I found in him all the qualities mentioned except for two: forbearance, and that if he is treated with extreme rudeness he only increases in forbearance. Today I have seen these two qualities in him, and I will now become Muslim. Give this money in charity to the Muslims.” Then he went to the Prophet said, “Let me take your hand and bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship but Allah and that you are the Messenger of Allah.”

Adressing people in a position of authority or some upper hand. 

On the other end, we have how do we address people, or speak to them, or make requests. From the hadith mentioned, we can see the Prophet tells us, “Instruct him to ask for what is his in a good way.”

When it comes to matters where we have the upper hand, or we want to make a demand, then the way is not to do it in haste, impatience and harshness but rather have a mild temperament. Speak to the person with gentleness and eloquence and good manners. The Prophet said, “Gentleness does not enter anything except that it adorns it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disfigures it.” In otherwords for whatever situation when you are gentle, and polite and mild tempered, it just improves the situation. If you are harsh and rude and it’s my way or the highway, then it spoils it. 

The Prophet actually made a Dua for mercy for people who respond in a good way, for example, when somebody is buying something and he starts to treat the shopkeeper like he owns him or  speaks to him in a rude manner or perhaps somebody is in a restaurant and they’re treating the waiter badly or it could be when somebody has lent someone money and after that they think that person is under the thumb and they treat him with disdain and remind him of the favours. All these things, the Prophet is calling out. He said in one narration, “The believer does not insult the honor of others, nor curse, nor commit lewdness, nor is he foul.”

The reason why this is being called out is that because when we speak harshly, we stir up anger in the other person which will then cause them to also speak harshly or be angry. So to avoid this we need to be mild in our words and actions. Actions how so it could be you go to someone’s house and you start knocking and banging the door loudly putting fear in that person’s heart.

Conclude

To conclude, I wanted to mention was when we are in a situation, we also have to call to mind that every person is being tested and trialled by Allah in every given situation, Allah wants to see how are you going to respond. So for example if somebody has treated you badly, they’ve swore at you, then yes they should be put a stop to how they’re treating you. And we might think Allah will deal with him and punish him. But there is also a reflection on how are we responding or managing this emotion. And that is basically, what Allahs tells us in the Quran. “The servants of the Ar-Rahman are they who walk on the earth in humility, and if the ignorant address them (in mock, hostility, etc), they say, “Peace!”’ 

Perhaps we’re going to be the person I never forgive and I never forget or we going to complain all day or we might even start backbiting, what’s happened is, we’ve equated ourselves. 

So in this position although you’ve been wronged Allah is still looking at you how are you dealing with this situation, are you turning back to the Quran and Sunnah, are you looking into the fact, I’m feeling very hurt right now what is the way to respond. 

Like wise if you are a person who did speak harshly and then you click on and think I shouldn’t have said that that test continues now what is he going to say is he going to apologise is he going to change his tone.

“Repel evil with that which is better, and your enemy will become as if he were a devoted friend.”
(Qur’an 41:34)

The guidance is in the Quran, it up to us if we implement it.